Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
