Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
