I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
