There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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