Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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