I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
