Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize