I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
there is glitter all over my balls
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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