i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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