My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
