So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You took a bar mat shot.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
