you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
