Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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