this beer tastes like vomit already
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
