I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
