Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
