My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
