My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
