Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
