Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize