the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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