An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
