His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
