that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
