My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
