i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
my poor anus
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
