the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
