We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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