all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
