sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
