just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize