I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
