yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
