oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
