YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
