sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
