maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
