In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
