my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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