it was like eating out sand paper
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
