A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i believe in u and ur pee
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize