if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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