I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
