What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you would pick up someone in the library
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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