yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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