Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
