We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
