I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
