ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
