During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we're so committed to being not committed
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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