dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
