I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
