So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
