I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
