marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she told me i tasted like america
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
