I wish I could teleport
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
