you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
