BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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