I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What a dumb baby whore.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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