i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
