I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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