So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
