Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
