I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Drunk is a universal language darling
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
