Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
