my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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