If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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