The maid of honor just puked.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
