Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
