he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
