I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
