Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
