I hate all girls vehemently.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm just crazy horny about you
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
