I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
