My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize